Woke up the morning of the flight feeling less nervous than I have been for pretty much every day for the last three months.

After a bit of last-minute packing we went to the airport with Denise’s parents and had the usual coffees and goodbyes. Denise’s mum was a bit upset and told her “not to change” which put an instant shot of paranoia into me. We passed through security where I was pulled aside and offered a 360 degree, clothes-penetrating 3d scan. They make you stand in a number of positions front and back with your hands round your head. One of the positions made you very “loose” and I half expected something to pop out the back behind me and mechanically but efficiently explore my anus. Fortunately it didn’t happen.

All the way to the airport we were convinced we had forgotten something and 10 minutes before boarding, I rather smugly remembered what it was and went to buy toilet paper – unfortunately they only had the moistened towel variety but I bought 5 jumbo packs.

The flight was an hour late taking off and we were stuck behind 3 German girls, one of whom immediately put the telly on and reclined her chair back as far as possible to crush Denise. I always find it a bit weird being in a plane and just being shuttled with no frame of reference outside but the flight was OK – a little bumpy but nothing too traumatic. I watched Die Hard 4 and a load of Ugly Betty (woo!). I also realised at one point that according to the in-flight progress map we were at one point equidistant between Islamabad and Baghdad which didn’t seem like a great omen…

As we were landing, we passed through 1000ft and The Smell hit us.